I have a confession to make. I worship Ceiling Cat. That’s right. Ceiling Cat. Of course the Internet as a whole is a Cat-worshiping place, but you know what? If you don’t want to worship Ceiling Cat, that’s okay too. We believe in live and let live. The Cat Herself is utterly indifferent to your beliefs.
Some of you may worship Ceiling Canine. Some of you may worship Ceiling Psittacine. Some of you crazy people may even worship Ceiling Mosquito. Maybe some of you have gone over to the dark side and worship Basement Cat. From my purrspective, every one of you worships wrongly. Especially that little Mosquito group. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. Why should you care what I think? What should I care which Deity you worship? It’s none of my business. If Ceiling Cat doesn’t like it, She is purrfectly capable of dealing with you Herself. But She won’t. She is indifferent to how you choose to anthropomorphize your God.
Sure, some Ancient Feline Texts say that there is only one Ceiling God and She is the Cat. They say that the only way to Heaven is by adopting the Ways of the Cat. You either play with the Yarn or you go to Hell. Ancient Canine Texts say much the same (Yarn = Bone). Ancient Psittacine Texts and many others have their own prescriptions and proscriptions. But that should tell you something about the authenticity of such statements. For we all know that I discount everything written in your Texts, as you do mine, and nothing contained therein is going to purrsuade me to give up Ceiling Cat.
Look, the Texts may have been inspired by the Ceiling God, whatever Her true form may really be. But they were written and revised and preserved over the millennia by hoomins. We with our impurrfect understanding of the Godly are bound to have made a few mistakes along the way. Where might we be most likely to do so? Where we want to turn the Texts to our own purrposes, controlling our fellow hoomins. But do the Beasts desire such control? No. How do we know? Their Earthly representatives walk and crawl and fly amongst us. Do their Earthly representatives try to establish Dominion over us? No, of course not. They are happy sharing their time on Earth with their companions, each with our own Way of Being. It is well known that to have a Pet is to have one creature on Earth who loves us unconditionally. That is the reflection of the True Ceiling God. It is a corruption of the desire of the Ceiling God, whatever Her true form may really be (although we know it is Cat), to try to establish one and only one giant Pride of Worshippers.
All the Texts seem to have some things right, since there are some things about which they are in agreement and with which we can all agree: Love one another, take care of the least among us, conscientiously provide furever homes for pets, do not be speciesist, the Herbs of the Field are given unto Us from which to take the Catnip, and other such well-known phrases. But there are also differences amongst Texts, and some things within Texts that make no sense within the context of the whole. And that’s okay.
Look, the Ceiling God, whatever Her form might be (but we know it is Cat), gave us the larger brains so that we would use them to figure this stuff out. To quote the Immortal Judge Judy, hallowed be her name [from her bio: "In 2004, Judge Sheindlin was named International Spokesperson for North Shore Animal League America to promote pet adoptions throughout the United States and the world."]; as I was saying, to quote the Hallowed Judge, "It doesn't make sense, and if it doesn't make sense then it's not true." Words to live by. If part of the Ancient Text doesn't make sense then it's an error, throw it out. That part where I try to make you love Ceiling Cat and you try to make me love Ceiling Psittacine and we get violent over our mutual refusals and damage each other and the Pets, that doesn't make sense.
So for some hoomins, worship of Ceiling Cat makes sense. For others, worship of Ceiling Canine makes sense. And so on. Some have not seen the need to worship anyone or anything. But again, Ceiling Cat remains indifferent. She has plenty of worshippers to see to Her needs. She doesn’t want us all hissing and attacking each other fang and claw. Live in harmony. Play with the Yarn together. Practice whatever forms of worship resonate with you. Live by our shared values. Take comfort and pleasure in however you see your Higher Power. Recognize that every Ceiling God has its own special attributes that will appeal to some more than others. Just as you will never sway me away from worship of the Ceiling Cat, I know I will never sway you toward worship of the Ceiling Cat if you do not worship Her already. So relax. Let everyone decide for themselves. It’s all beautiful. Ceiling Cat doesn't care. Ever since the invention of the Mysterious Red Dot, She has had better things to do.