Not a typo. Reptilian Republicans. If Kavanaugh gets confirmed and these jokers remain in charge of Congress, I have some suggestions for future SCOTUS appointments. In no particular order of meritorious conduct, they include:
[Trigger Warning: I detail some crimes that may cause shudders.]
TImothy Nolan, 71 years old: Having lived in Kentucky for many years, I am partial to the advancement of Kentuckians, so let’s start here. Former Judge Timothy Nolan has been sentenced to 20 years in prison on charges of human trafficking. He pled guilty to multiple felony sex crimes with minors. Statements from 19 teen victims were read into the record; 7 were less than 16 years old. Of course, he worked on *rump’s presidential campaign in Kentucky in 2016.
Manuel Acevedo-Hernandez, 65 years old: A superior court judge until his conviction, Manuel Acevedo-Hernandez was sentenced to 10 years in prison for accepting bribes and conspiracy to commit bribery in order to acquit a prominent businessman of vehicular homicide, affirmed on appeal. The businessman had been drinking and doing drugs, drove over onto the other side of the street and crashed into another car head-on, killing the other driver. But hey, boys will be boys, amirite? And this judge doesn’t come cheap: In exchange for the not guilty verdict, he received tens of thousands in immediate payments and a planned promotion. Oops, one of his co-conspirators cooperated with the FBI. Now he’s no longer any kind of judge.
Mark Fuller, 60 years old: In order to be appointed a U.S. District judge in Alabama by George W. Bush in 2002, Mark Fuller swore under oath that he never hit, punched, or kicked his wife. Well, of course he lied. In 2014, he was arrested for battering his wife. He resigned before he could be impeached. A judicial conference found evidence that he had physically abused his wife at least eight times, before and after marriage. During the 2014 incident, she accused him of cheating on him. Well, the nerve of the woman! He grabbed her, pulled her hair, dragged her around the room, hit her in the mouth, threw her down on the floor, and kicked her repeatedly. Police witnessed head and mouth lacerations. Because everyone knows the way to prove to your wife that you love only her is to beat the ever-loving crap out of her, amirite? He sought counseling and his record was expunged because he was a “first-time offender”. Sigh. Despite his resignation, the Judicial Council censured him for domestic abuse and perjury, or as they summed it up, “reprehensible conduct”.
Lance Mason, 51 years old: This former judge in Cuyahoga County, OH, was sentenced to two years in prison for domestic violence and attempted felonious assault in a plea deal (how does one merely attempt felonious assault?), but released after less than a year and hired by the city of Cleveland. He beat, choked, and bit his wife in the front seat of their vehicle whilst their two daughters looked on from the back seat, but I’m sure those children won’t have any trauma from a few love nibbles, amirite? He can’t work as a lawyer any more unless he undergoes a mental health evaluation first.
Timothy J. Hauler, 68 years old (est): Judge Hauler, Chief Judge of the Chesterfield Circuit Court of Virginia, has at least twice let rapists walk free. Most recently, Logan Michael Osborn as an 18-year-old lured a 14-year-old girl away from others and into some woods, tied her neck and hands with a belt, and forced her to perform sex acts. Originally sentenced to 10 years, he suspended eight of those, and now claims that sentencing guidelines state he should go free. Prosecutors state that the suspect’s previous six accusations of sexual assault and psychologist’s determination that he is of “moderately high risk” for re-offending mean he does not meet the criteria for a light sentence. Stay tuned.
Previously, convicted rapist Dana William was eligible for release after two years serving a 30-year sentence, so prosecutors tried to have him civilly committed, as Virginia law allows. They presented two previous cases: He was accused in 2012 of offering a woman a ride home, choking her in his car until she was unconscious, then raping her as she begged him to stop. In 2007, he was accused of sexual battery and assault and burglary, and convicted of lesser charges. Also in 2012, the case for which he received the 30-year sentence, he was accused of waking his ex-girlfriend, handcuffing her to her headboard, strangling her until unconscious, and raping her violently for several hours. He was convicted of rape and five counts of violating a protective order. Despite a psychologist’s determination that he had sexual perversions and personality disorders and was of “moderate to high risk” for re-offending, Hauler stated that the evidence that he was a sexually violent predator was not “clear and convincing” and let him go. William then killed his ex-wife’s parents, strangling her father to death, and finally killed himself as the police closed in. Let’s hope Mr. Osborn’s case does not follow a similar path.
Mark Ciavarella, Jr., 68 years old; and Michael Conahan, 65 years old: Both are former judges in Luzerne County, PA. Ciavarella was sentenced to 28 years in prison for racketeering as he used his court to provide “kids for cash”. Conahan pled guilty to racketeering for accepting bribes and was sentenced to 17.5 years. The “kids for cash” scandal was infamous when these cronies were arrested in 2008, and inspired a 2013 book. They accepted kickbacks to send kids to private juvenile detention facilities and close the public one. But surely he wouldn’t let a little money sway his judicial opinions and send children to prison unjustly, right? Well, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court vacated and expunged the records of approximately 4000 children who had appeared before Judge Ciavarella. Conahan is seeking a commutation of his sentence from *resident *rump, even though he admits that he was “corrupt and without integrity”.
**********
So there you go: Seven judges for *resident *rump to appoint to the Supreme Court along with Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh. Some need their sentences commuted by *resident *rump first and some aren’t even Reptublicans, but I’m sure those obstacles can be easily overcome. Then we can open up the prisons, let all the predators out, imprison any good people who survive, and Make America a Great Criminal Enterprise AgainTM.