Before someone jumps in with, “There are more important problems in the world!” let me agree that yes, there are. But I would like to fully explore my thoughts on this issue before moving on to some of those more important problems. I can walk, chew gum, watch TV, check email, put on makeup, fix my hair, reject ugly clothes, get dressed, cook and eat meals all at the same time, just like all women (and men except they don’t usually do the makeup thing). To say that I can follow more than two threads of argument at once is an understatement. So. Can we please, once and for all, stop using the B word or the C word?
To catch you up to speed if you have been living under a rock, Samantha Bee called Ivanka by the C word on her show and subsequently apologized for it. She also called her feckless and oblivious, and implored her, “Do something about your dad’s immigration practices,” but of course the White House is protesting Ms. Bee’s language and ignoring her other insults and especially ignoring her point. Meanwhile, of course the White House occupant has used the C word regarding women before, according to reports, basically to refer to women doing their jobs, and one fending off his advances. Hypocrisy is nothing new for him.
So. Is it ever okay to use the B word or the C word? I strongly believe not. Granted, there are stupid and nasty women. Sarah Palin and Betsy DeVos come immediately to mind. Granted, there are women such as Ivanka who may not be as stupid but enable bad behavior in men and/or enact plenty of nasty behavior of their own.
But.
Point 1: Both men and women are entirely capable of being nasty, with and/or without others, including the opposite sex. Nastiness is unrelated to being a woman. Using the B or C word implies that it is related. It implies that there is something particularly terrible about being a nasty woman, as opposed to being a nasty man. Somehow if a woman does it, it’s worse than if a man does it. It is also often used against women for simply speaking up or doing our jobs that put us at odds with others, as *rump reportedly used it above. As if we have no right to holding controversial jobs or opinions. How dare we be contrary!
Point 2: The fervor with which this request is continually denied says a lot about how far women still have to go and the continuing disrespect to which we are subjected. The B word and the C word are derogatory, right? Just like some words used to refer to minorities are derogatory, right? So when blacks ask whites not to use the N word, liberals understand that the use of the word by whites should be no longer tolerated, harking back as it does to a time when blacks were lynched. Terrific, we’re all on the same page!
So why is it that when women ask, “Please don’t use the B word or the C word any more,” harkening back as they do to many a domestic violence situation, we are met by liberals, even on this most liberal of websites, with, “Don’t be so sensitive,”“Don’t get hysterical,”“OMG, it’s the word police!” and “Toughen up, buttercup!”? The difference between our reception and that for minorities is stark and revealing. If you won’t respect women’s preferences on this issue, when will you begin to respect women?
Point 3:Oprah has said that she does not think the N word should ever be used because of its association with lynchings and other abuses of black bodies. She says that the power of such derogatory terms can never be taken away for those who have felt their pain. The same is true about the B and C words. What are the last words women often hear before their “loved ones” beat them or stab them or shoot them or choke them or slam them into a wall? It isn’t usually “honey darlin”. Why? Because it’s typical of attackers to dehumanize their victims before an attack. I’m not human, I’m other, less than, a B and/or a C. According to psychological experts,
Look back at some of the most tragic episodes in human history and you will find words and images that stripped people of their basic human traits.
-snip-
If you think of murder and torture as universally taboo, then dehumanization of the “other” is a psychological loophole that can justify them.
Within destructive intimate relationships, “all types of verbal abuse are red flags foretelling physical violence.” Think domestic violence isn’t torture? Recognizing the egregious in the everyday: Domestic violence as torture. Think most domestic abusers don’t kill their significant others? Almost twice the number of American women have been murdered by their partners than American soldiers have been killed in the Middle East.
Sure, I know Samantha Bee isn’t going to beat up or try to murder Ivanka *rump. I know most of the time when these words are used on these liberal pages, the point is to show contempt for someone whose “conservative” opinions are contemptible. But there are better ways to show contempt for contemptible viewpoints. These words are triggering for many who have been through domestic violence. And approximately 38 million of your fellow American women have been through it. Almost every time I push back in comments about the use of these words, one or more women on this site will privately thank me for standing up for them. So I will do so one more time:
Don't use the B and C words. Not in any context.
Don't perpetuate the view of women as other or less than.
Don't enable misogynists by using words that they may interpret as supporting their warped viewpoint.
Don't insult us. Don't cause us pain. Don’t piss us off.
Don't bring back some of the worst memories of a woman's life.
Don't precipitate an episode of PTSD.
This is no more a request by the “word police” or a “snowflake” than when a minority asks you to stop using derogatory terms for them.
Okay?
If you can't think of other, more descriptive words to describe someone's misdeeds, you aren't being creative enough.
